Moments when we got along (and some when we didn't)
by LuticolousMantis
Summary: Every romantic relationship has its issues. Even when the other party is an evil scientist and the other his semi-aquatic egg-laying nemesis. A collection of loosely-connected Perryshmirtz oneshots.
1. Busted

**A/N. This is a sequel to my story When the Platypus met the Evil Scientist  
**

**So I'd suggest you read that first, but it's not necessary. Just know that Perry and Dr.D are a couple in this story, and it will focuse on their relationship. I'll keep it PG, though (which by my definition includes vague depictions of kissing) but more focused on stuff I like this pairing for, that is the personalities of the characters involved, the complications their relationship would face, and cuteness.**

* * *

"Good evening, Agent P."

Said monotreme saluted his superior, eager to get going. He had an appointment to keep, after all.

"I know this was supposed to be your day off, but it can't be helped. It's Doofenshmirtz, he is- Carl!"

"What!?"

"Where's the graphic? You know, all the pictures of silly-looking foreign people you got from Wikipedia?"

"Sorry, Sir," the intern squeaked.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you acting like that?" The Major demanded to know.

"No-no reason?"

"You're looking pretty red." Monogram remarked. "Are you coming down with a fever? Or have you eaten tomatoes again?"

The platypus chattered to get their attention.

Major Monogram turned to him. "I guess you just have to do without the informational presentation on Eastern European folk music, Agent P. We have reports that Doofenshmirtz has bought two tickets to the 'Bi-Annual Drusselsteinian throat-singing festival'. I guess we should generally anticipate that anything Drusselstein-related will in some way attract his evil-attention, huh? In any case, the problem is they have a strict dress code, and I'm not sure if you can infiltrate-"

"Krkrkrkt."

"Huh, I never noticed you were already wearing lederhosen _and _floral patternedclogs. I guess you're good to go, then."

"That's what I call professional, Carl." The major remarked after the agent had departed.

"Sure, Sir."

* * *

"Ah, there you _are__,_ Perry."

The platypus tipped his hat to the evil scientist.

"You're a bit _late_, though. Let's go."

The platypus hopped in the scientist's car, almost feeling like something was off when he wasn't trapped.

Nevertheless, he made sure to fasten his seat-belt. The doctor, however, didn't, and Perry wasn't sure if he should correct this evil behavior or not.

Not being certain. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

Ever since he had started dating his nemesis he had had to get used to not being certain of what to do. Not knowing what places were acceptable for dates, when it was appropriate to show affection, to what extent their relationship could interfere with their work, who should pay for their dates…

But perhaps the most surprising thing was that the uncertainly wasn't all that bad.

"Are you looking _forward_ to this, Perry? I am! Back in Gimmelshtump, I never got to go see this show. Even if I _eventually_ figured out how to unlock the cupboard-door from the inside and saved enough for the ticket, they would have _never_ let me in dressed as I was, because it is the tradition in Drusselstein that you need to be wearing clogs for formal occasions such as this, and _of course_ because of that one harsh winter all my shoes had to be _burnt_ for warmth- Sorry, didn't mean to turn this into _work._"

The platypus shrugged to show he didn't mind listening to back-story, as long as it didn't lead to evil. After all, this was supposed to be a date.

* * *

"That was really not all that _great_, was it?"

Perry nodded. He usually liked all kinds of music (although he was slightly partial to Broadway musicals) but that had hardly qualified as music.

Dr. D agreed.

"I mean, it was just kinda _weird_-sounding. Less like music and more like hearing a _moose_ being beaten with didgeridoos in an aluminum bath-tub. Not that I _know_ what that sounds like. But on the positive side, I now know I wasn't missing much. Except for the quality-time with my family, but that's nothing out of the ordinary."

The car stopped. Perry hadn't really been paying attention to his surroundings, instead being concentrated on the doctor, and hadn't noticed they had already reached the D.E.I-building.

"So… Perry the- _Perry. _Would you like to come inside? Just, you know, for tea or coffee?"

The platypus shook his head and pointed at the clock, indicating it was late.

"Okay. No pressure. I had fun. Not because of the concert, more like _despite _it, but still. Fun. Fun was had."

Perry nodded, again uncertain of how to proceed.

Supposing it was his turn to initiate something after refusing his date's offer for coffee, Perry climbed over to the driver's side, settled on the humans lap and kissed him.

There was still uncertainly on both sides, but Perry estimated his technique had improved considerably, _and _he had made sure to brush his teeth before the date.

And in general it was easier when both parties were participating.

Based on his observations on human couples two seconds was an acceptable length for a good-bye kiss considering the time of the day and that they were in a public place, but as the human seemed unwilling to break the kiss Perry was more than happy to let it continue, and only end it when the doctor stopped to gasp for air.

Taking this as a sign the date was over the platypus opened the car door and stepped out, heading towards his vehicle.

And making a mental note on how his increased attention to dental hygiene had paid off.

* * *

"A-agent P! Hi!"

The agent saluted the intern on the screen.

Carl stopped, looking uncomfortable.

Silence.

Perry let it go on, knowing it was the best way to get the human to find the words and to open up about whatever it was he had wanted to talk to Perry about.

He was right.

"First of all, I'd like to say I didn't _mean _to spy on you. Except for the part where I spied on you, obviously. But I was trying to spy on you and Doctor Doofenshmirtz for _decent _reasons. To stop evil, surveillance, you know about that, right?"

Perry nodded. He had known that Heinz was under surveillance by the O.W.C.A, and that while he had made the decision not to engage in certain activities during the work-hours, it had been just a matter of time before the organization found out.

But Perry hadn't mentioned his new relationship with his nemesis to his superiors for one very simple reason; it was none of their business.

Carl seemed to disagree, however;

"Do you think it's a good idea? I mean, I get how the whole 'evil'-thing might be- There was this one girl in my glass in high school who asked me to help her cheat in her Social Studies-exam, and while I declined, I kinda wanted to, but I have to say she was WAY cuter than Doof…"

The agent decided that wasn't worth commenting on.

"What I mean is, I guess it's not against the rules? So I guess I don't have to tell Major Monogram?"

Perry nodded.

"Also, maybe you could tell me when you're up to, up to _things_." The intern blushed.

"Not that I WANT to know!" he hurried to add. "Just so I know what parts of the surveillance footage to skip! "

The platypus nodded.

"And just- Be careful, ok?"


	2. Doofapus

"Do you ever get tired of lugging this big tail around? I mean, sure, it's great for fighting, but it's weird for sitting and stuff. "

Perry shrugged. He hadn't really thought of it. Really, the bigger problem usually was that most chairs tended to be designed for fully-grown humans, and so were impractical for platypuses. But since Doofenshmirtz had gone through the trouble of getting a platypus-sized table and chairs for them, Perry was quite comfortable.

Or rather, his discomfort had nothing to do with the furniture.

The other platypus continued: "I just figure I'd ask you because you know, you would know. Uh, sugar or agave syrup?"

Perry pointed at the agave syrup, doing his best to concentrate on his tea.

But Doofenshmirtz was having none of that.

"So, uh, what do you think?"

The evil-doctor –turned-platypus scoffed at Perry's expression.

"You know what I mean. My change in species. What do you think?"

Perry wasn't sure. So he shrugged.

"What? A _shrug_? That's all I get? "

Perry tried to determine if the doctor was being annoyed or offended. He had occasionally been offended when he felt Perry hadn't appreciated his scheme. And the agent had to admit, he probably hadn't always properly acknowledged the effort the scientist put into his work. After all, all Perry had to do was show up and thwart.

But, of course, even if he could value the quality of the scientist's work or at least his imagination and the effort he put into it, Perry felt no guilt when destroying Evil inators.

But when he was uncertain of how evil the scheme was, it wasn't as easy. Although he still usually foiled them, if the doctor labeled them as 'schemes', so not to disappoint the scientist _or_ Major Monogram.

"I just thought you'd like it, that's all."

This confused Perry. And he wasn't all that certain if they were 'on the clock' at the moment, or if this break from the fight counted as 'off-duty'. Although, now that he thought of it, it wasn't like Heinz was up to anything actually Evil this time. The agent supposed it was a big part of the reason he was feeling this perplexed.

Although devising a plan to defeat your nemesis _did_ count as Evil.

"Sure, I got it, you don't swing that way. Or _this_ way. Whatever. It's not like I care."

Perry hadn't spared any thought what-so-ever for where his swinging was inclined to be directed to. Because why would he? He knew it included at least one middle-aged evil human, and knowing that was more than enough.

"That's a relief. To be honest, I kinda prefer being human, just, you know, it's what I've gotten _used_ to during the 46 years of my life, I was an ocelot for a year, remember? Not to mention it's really _difficult_ to drink tea with this beak. Just look at my fur, like _half_ of my tea was spilled on- Actually, I don't know if this is fur or really tiny _feathers_. I can't tell. It's so warm, but it _breathes_."

"…"

"Well, back at it, I guess."

To Perry's relief, the fight continued. And when it did, and he was more certain of himself, he could start to appreciate the gesture.

Not many agents had nemeses who'd go through a change in species just to defeat them, after all.


	3. Sleeping Arrangements

Sleeping with Dr. Doofenshmirtz was physically uncomfortable.

Of all the people Perry shared the bed with, the scientist was the most problematic.

Perry had his basket back in home, but he rarely used it for nights, usually sharing his sleeping time with his boys. Ferb slept calmly, still and silent, while Phineas would occasionally toss and turn with a smile on his face, as if impatient to wait for the next day.

Candace usually preferred the platypus stayed off her bed, but there were times she welcomed the small furry presence, generally when she was feeling down after stressing over some minor thing and convincing herself Jeremy never wanted to see her again. She slept restlessly, kicking at the covers and mumbling about busting and Jeremy (and occasionally, for some reason, talking zebras) in her sleep, but the platypus had developed a strategy for dealing with this, curling up against the small of her back, avoiding the restless legs.

However, this didn't work with Heinz.

He did occasionally talk in his sleep or toss and turn, but that wasn't the issue.

The problem was he'd wrap his long gangly limbs around Perry, holding the fluffy animal tightly against his chest and curling into a ball around the platypus, as if afraid if he'd let go the mammal would slip away.

It wasn't an irrational fear.

Perry didn't want to worry his family, and so the first time he had spent the night at D.E.I he had planned to leave early in the morning to get back home before the Flynn-Fletchers woke up.

However, he hadn't foreseen that the human would trap him in such a way that slipping away unnoticed was impossible. He had managed to wiggle out of the uncomfortably tight hold, but in the process the scientist had woken up.

And the look on his face when he asked 'Are you leaving?' somehow trapped the monotreme far more efficiently than any cage, making him feel like _he _was the bad guy.

Perry hadn't fully figured out just how he should now deal with his sleeping arrangements.

He did wonder if this was the natural progression of human life, part of becoming an adult. After all, when Candace had been little she had let the platypus on her bed regularly. But she was growing up, and so in certain ways, siblings and parents and pets had given way to romantic interests.

Maybe that would eventually happen with the boys as well. Back when they were small, they sometimes climbed in with Linda and Lawrence when feeling lonely or afraid, or if they had missed their parents. Perry couldn't remember the last time that had happened. Eventually they'd grow up, and fall in love, and move out to found their own families the way Linda and Lawrence had.

Or the same way Perry was, with Heinz.

The platypus paused to think. Was that the same?

And if it was, wasn't he really neglecting the doctor?

After all, Perry realized with a pang of guilt, Heinz had to sleep alone if Perry wasn't coming over. While he had the leisure of having two households to choose from.

But if he was the doctors… What, exactly was he to the human?

A boyfriend? A nemesis? (While that was certainly the case, cuddling wasn't exactly something that has come about because of _that _aspect of their relationship). A husband? (No, that required a ceremony of some kind) A platypus? (Well, yes, but that wasn't unique to Perry's relationship with Heinz.)

Perry supposed 'boyfriend' was acceptable, and so settled to thinking of himself as that.

And he was certain boyfriends were supposed to do things like that with their partners.

After all, Candace had constructed a practice-Jeremy from her teddy-bear and his picture, to prepare for when she was old enough and her parents let her do that for real.

Perry was happy to do his part in his romantic relationship, but it wasn't terribly comfortable sleeping in the tight viselike grip.

But he could handle the occasional badly-slept night.

In the first place, he didn't sleep at D.E.I every night. Perry still spent most of them with the Flynn-Fletchers. It wasn't even about worrying about blowing his cover as a secret agent, his family would get worried if their pet disappeared every night, and they were still his _family. _

However, sleeping with Dr. Doofenshmirtz was only uncomfortable _physically._


	4. Parental Guidance

What had happened today had given Perry a lot to think about.

First of all, how he appreciated the fact that Dr. D took the effort to come up with imaginative plots so frequently, instead of just making a big weapon.

But there was also another fact facing Norm had made him realize:

Perry hadn't really thought about all of the obligations his new relationship with his nemesis meant for him.

He had just thought of their relationship as if it existed in a vacuum; he'd have to worry about the doctor and how to act around him, and that was it. It would have no effect on his interaction with other people.

But that wasn't how it worked.

It wasn't really just between them, his new status as the doctor's boyfriend meant he had other responsibilities relating to his family members.

And he wasn't really doing such a great job of it.

Perry was almost certain he was doing at least adequate job with Vanessa. After all, she seemed to be relatively stable and normal teenager, and doing things such as protecting her from threats fell under his normal job description. Perry didn't exactly approve of Heinz's attempts to get her into the 'family business', but she didn't seem too eager for evil anyway, and she had her mother to provide parental support as well.

However, there was someone else who considered the evil doctor his father, and who wasn't nearly as lucky.

* * *

"HELLO, PERRY THE PLATYPUS."

Perry tipped his fedora to the robot opening the door. "Krkrkrkt."

"I AM SORRY. DOCTOR DOOFENSHMIRTZ IS NOT HOME. "

Perry nodded. He knew the doctor was out, picking up his dry-cleaning, an activity which was very unlikely to lead to any evil, seeing how Heinz was banned from all but one dry-cleaning places in the city, and so was very careful not to do anything to anger the one place that still let him in.

But the platypus wasn't there to see the scientist.

He pulled out the baseball-glove he had brought with him from his fedora.

"A BASEBALL GLOVE? THAT REMINDS ME HOW MUCH I WISH MY FATHER WOULD GO AND PLAY CATCH WITH ME TO GREATE POSITIVE CHILDHOOD MEMORIES AND TO SHARE LIFELESSONS TO HELP SHAPE ME INTO A MAN HE CAN BE PROUD OF. ALAS, HE DOESN'T SEEM TOO INTERESTED IN THIS PARTICULAR FATHER-SON BONDING ACTIVITY. IT MUST BE BECAUSE HE IS NOT A SPORTS-PERSON."

Perry pointed at himself.

"ARE YOU SAYING YOU WOULD BE WILLING TO PROVIDE THIS KIND OF PARENTAL SUPPORT? TO THROW A BALL BACK-AND WORTH? TO HAVE DEEP PHILOSOPHICAL CONVERSATIONS ABOUT LIFE WITH ME AND GIVE ME EXPERIENCES THAT I WILL REMEMBER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?"

Perry wasn't completely certain how qualified he was to do that, but supposing whatever help he could provide was better than none, he nodded.

"GREAT. I'LL GO AND GET MY BASEBALL-HAT."

* * *

"Norm, have you been doodling on my papers again?"

"DO YOU LIKE IT, DAD?"

"What do you think? You just ruined a perfectly good schematic for a sporkinator. Great, now I don't remember if it was supposed to _destroy_ sporks or turn other types of cutlery into them. I do remember it was a great idea, though, that would have been my ticket to Tri-State-Area domination, so _thanks, _Norm."

Doctor Doofenshmirtz gestured towards the crayon drawing. "And what is your doodle doing on my fridge door anyway?"

"MOM LIKED IT."

"Mom?" The evil doctor looked confused. "Is this one of those _things _again? You know, like your imaginary friend Mr. Fluff. You know that turned out to be just a ball of squirrel fur stuck in your ventilation system?"

"I DREW MOM AND YOU AND SIS AND ME."

Doofenshmirtz stared at the picture of four characters. Especially the small turquoise figure with a hat and a label 'MOM'.

"Man, I really need to have 'the Talk' with you one of these days, don't I? Since you don't seem to know where robots come from…"

* * *

**A/N If you want to see Norm's Drawing (remove the asterisks and spaces): http*:*/*i1351*.*photobucket*.*com*/*albums*/*p791 */*LuticolousMantis*/*normdrawing_zpsc35c44dc*.*jp g  
**


	5. Reading Material

"Really, now, Perry the Platypus, my inator is over there!"

Dr. Doofenshmirtz gestured towards the machine middle of the room. "What? It's a perfectly _valid_ evil plan! True, I have tried reversing the rotation of the Earth _two_ times before, but this time it's different."

The platypus stopped going through the pile of books, giving his full attention to the human.

"This time I have a _back_story! You _remember _how I was forced to work as the lawn-gnome as a kid, right? Well, our garden faced east, so every morning the sun would rise and shine _directly_ in my eyes."

The platypus' expression didn't change, but either the evil doctor could read him better than anyone else or he was projecting.

"What? It might not be the _best _of my back-stories, but I think it's suitably traumatic. Anyway, BEHOLD! My Rope-shootinator! With this I shall shoot a rope to the moon, and then pull, thus reversing the rotation of the Earth! I was first thinking of calling it the 'Earth-rotation-reversinator', but that sounded a bit _vague_."

The platypus went back to the books.

"What? What's _wrong_ with my evil plan?"

Perry pointed at the library receipt.

"Um, yes, it's possible some of the books might be a _little _bit overdue." He caught on. "Don't tell me _that _was what Monobrow sent you over for today?"

The agent nodded.

The evil doctor stomped his foot. "Well, _I'm _saying my inator is a much bigger threat! Monobrow is not the boss of me, _he _doesn't decide what my evil plan for today is!"

Huffing, he strode to his inator. "And _unless someone stops me _I shall REVERSE the rotation of the planet!"

He stopped, turning around and seeing the platypus still going through the pile of books, picking out the ones that were overdue.

"I said, UNLESS SOMEONE STOPS ME, I will be doing this horribly evil thing now, resulting in HORRIBLE carnage! Or not _carnage, _as such, I guess a lot of people will get confused, though. It will be... A pandemonium!"

Unfortunately, this failed to scare the agent into action.

"Fine, you leave me no choice! Behold as the Earth will come to stop and start moving to another direction! Now that I think about it, you should probably hold onto something. It will probably be a shaky ride. And of course there is a _slight _possibility my plan will fail and instead send the moon crashing to Earth… Or maybe just lift this building and send us to the moon."

"…"

The doctor walked back to where the agent stood. "Okay, if the moon was actually on the sky, that would have totally been a threatening evil scheme." He sighed. "Well, I guess I can help you with that, then. I'm pretty sure some of the library books are in the fridge. Long story."

He noticed the book Perry was holding. "Hey, Early Evening! I was still reading that. You can't take it back yet, I have to find out if Kristen ends up with Jared or Michael. And no, don't even think of spoiling it for me!"

The doctor was completely ignored, and the book went to the pile of books that were going back to library.

Sighing, Doof went back to work. "Fine, I'll just watch the movies, then. Hm, why would I have ever borrowed a book called_ From geloscopy to gyromancy; the silliest ways of divination and the fancy names we give them_? Perry the Platypus, can you remember what scheme-"

He turned to see the platypus staring with an expression that would have been stoic on anyone else but on his face it was as good as gaping in horror.

"What?"

Upon seeing the book the mammal was holding, he blurted out the first thing he could think of:

"That's not mine!"

He made a grab for it, but the agent jumped back, causing the scientist to fall on his stomach, the copy of _The reproductive biology of the Duck-billed Platypus: Illustrated Edition _held out of his reach.

"I read it for the articles!"

He thought he saw a slight smile grace Perry's bill.

He hoped that was a good sign.


End file.
